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Gifting A Baby

This is not about me, I have never had a baby or gifted a baby in my life and I am not thinking about it for myself within my future. However, I watched a television show about mothers needing to gift their babies to adoptive parents, and that made me think about how it might feel to gift a baby to a loving/family.

I could be wrong in what I say as I have not experienced this before, I can only imagine. Hopefully though, this piece of writing will still help you feel understood if something like this has happened to you. My writings are all perfectly imperfect to show a more natural sense of being. I am not sharing this to say people whom do not feel they are in the position of motherhood or do not have financial assets should consider gifting their baby to adoptive parents, I am simply sharing this in regards to the people whom feel they do not have a choice, or whom have already made a choice to do so, or have already been through this.

Women whom become pregnant and for some reason are unable to provide for a baby or perhaps another baby, may consider gifting her baby to loving, adoptive parents in order for baby to have the best opportunities and experiences life has to offer.

I imagine the process would be so internally emotional and would take a toll on the birth mother’s life, especially when the birth mother “stays strong”.

I imagine gifting a baby, even to a loving family, would always be something a person would think about, before and after baby is on their way to their new home.

The unknown, especially of whether baby will definitely be in a better position after adoption will most likely be on a birth mother’s mind.

Birth mother’s may find ways to keep themselves or their minds busy so they won’t think about it.

Grief of saying goodbye to anyone is difficult, and although the baby will still be alive and with loving adoptive parents, there will still be that disconnected feeling and strong sense of loss, whilst also the unknown of whether baby is definitely safe and cared for.
The memory of saying goodbye will never change but perhaps choosing adoptive parents whom are loving, will appreciate baby so deeply, and knowing they will keep baby as safe as possible, will allow a birth mother’s mind to settle, if even a little.

I have had a miscarriage and I will always feel a sense of sadness and loss as the experience is “set in stone” and the feelings about the experience are stored in my memory.

Allowing ourselves to express emotions, knowing that life has difficult pathways, and thinking that baby will be in a place where the parents truly appreciate the mother’s gift, may help the birth mother to see that she is so loving to think about baby and how baby will be affected by their environment and possibilities.

The adoptive parents will love baby so much because they have craved to have a baby for a long time, most likely have read many books about raising children, and have been to many seminars to learn the best ways to look after baby, while providing the best life possible.

I appreciate that many women have had their baby’s taken from them, without a chance to decide where baby went or what type of lives or opportunities baby would have.

I imagine that draining sense of the unknown, perhaps a sense of regret or anger, perhaps a sense of continuous loss, is with you always.

I am sorry that in this life you have had to deal with hardships like this and that your baby is in the world or felt in spirit and somehow you are told to find a way to let it go.

Of course, letting go does not feel possible when memories are fixed.

Please listen to the depths of your loving heart that tell you, you are love and you did the best you could in the moment, and that life provides us with challenges that no one taught you to get through, people didn’t support you as you needed.

I am sad for you.

I send you love, especially if you are still searching for your own sense of love, inside you.

The poem below is scattered, indifferent, and provides a possible ups and downs thought pattern that may be what a birth mother may go through while in the process of gifting her baby.

 

Poem:

They took my baby
I know I accepted that
I know I signed the papers
but I feel like he was stolen from me

Where is he?
Is he okay?
I feel I need to hold him
I want to protect him
and know that he is safe

He grew inside me
He is a part of me
and somehow now I have to let him go
How can I do that?

I shut most of my feelings out
until the day baby was born
I held my emotions deep inside
because I couldn’t be honest with myself
I had to stay mostly numb
because I loved my baby everyday
no matter how hard I tried
I could not stop thinking
about how I could leave my baby
I need him close to me
but I don’t think I can do that
I cannot be a parent to this baby
I do not have the finances
I already have too many things to handle,
in my life and I can’t do this on my own

I need to give him to a family
that will love him always
and show him that he belongs in this world
And I cannot be that person
As much as it kills me inside
As much as I hate this pain
And with all this hope,
I hope he will live a wonderful life.

How do I know he will be safe?
These people seem nice
I hope he will be loved everyday
I know I will always miss him
because he will always be in my heart
I love him
I love every fiber of his being
and that is why I am letting him go.

 

 

Sending A Birth Mother’s Love To Baby:

Baby,
I will always love you
I sent you to this family
because I feel you will be safe
and you will be loved by them.
They have wanted you for so long
and they appreciate me
for giving my gift of you.
You are such a precious being
and I will always feel connected to you.
I am saying goodbye
because I want the best for you.
I feel sorry I let you go
but I know
you are loved
and you will find a way
to know
that you were not aboned by me
and instead you were given
to a family that will always be able
to give you everything you need.
Love to you baby.

Love From Your Birth Mum

 

 

1 year later:

Baby is happy
I have seen photos
Baby is laughing
I have seen videos
Baby is loved
I can feel it in my heart
Baby is well cared for
I can see it in baby’s eyes
Baby is safe
Baby is beautiful
Baby is cared for
Baby
I love you
Sweetdreams
I send you love through the sky.

Amanda

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